Meditation (Week 48) – stability

First Nort-Korea then there was Charlottesville and all the marching neo-nazis. Next Trump opened his mouth on Tuesday. I was sure that by the TV I was watching the happenings of a parallel universe, because there was no way that someone, especially POTUS, would defend the neo-nazis. Unfortunately, this is our real world. Then we finish the week with terror attacks, which I was not able to pay attention, because I had to face my own personal mourning of a young and wonderful person, who I knew.

The world is still fill madness. During moments, like those I mentioned, only a little stability can make everything better. Something which never change and you can count on it.

My stable point is meditation, because my own mind is always there for me. During meditation I am able to let go all these craziness, not forever, just for a few minutes. I can focus on all the positivity around me. This is what I get from meditation every day. A stable and calm moment which makes my day better.

Dear Reader what is your stable point in this insanity, which we call our world?


August 18., 2017.

I think, sooner you learn to mourn the better. As a child is still easier to accept and letting go someone, because you are able to believe that the person who died went to a better place. If you experience your first mourning as an adult, there is no tale in the world which would help you to understand why it happened.

I had my first lesson very early. I lost my grandfather suddenly when I was 9-10 years old. We weren’t spend a tons of time together, but I loved him deeply. I still remember, that the day before the funeral, I was angry with everyone and I cried for no reason. While during the whole ceremony I couldn’t stop laughing. To be honest it’s hard to not see the comic of it, when one of my grandfather’s sister ran to his coffin and it was just good luck, that it didn’t fall down.

Continue reading Mourning

Meditation (Week 47) – There are no mistakes only lessons

It was a hard week for me. First of all, the weather is still unbearably hot. Secondly, I was stupid enough to workout some cardio in this weather and not supply myself with enough vitamins. So from the middle of this week I had this horrible pain in my right shoulder, luckily after I took some magnesium pills everything got better. All these problems and I couldn’t sleep. Believe me, when I say that I am incredibly exhausted.

I remember a little less than one year ago when I started this meditational journey I faced the same problems. I was tired and couldn’t sleep enough. Honestly, sometimes when I meditated I fell asleep. I felt ashamed that how ridiculous it was. I tried to learn this new thing and I just fell asleep. I didn’t write about it during that time because I wasn’t proud of it. However, I’ve learned something really important since then. It was just part of the journey. It was something I had to learn how to control.

These days I am exhausted as hell, but now when I meditate,I meditate. I don’t fall asleep and I don’t even have to afraid from that. My mind and my body are at the right place, at the right time. I know now, that there was nothing wrong with it.

Dear Reader there are no mistakes in meditation only lessons which teach you how to control your body and your mind.

(Photo by Jacob Ufkes on Unsplash)

Book: Saturday by Ian McEwan

I asked one of my friend, if she has some books in English because I prefer to read real books instead of e-books. Of course, she was happy to help me and let me borrow a book from her. It was Saturday by Ian McEwan, let’s see, if I enjoyed it or not.

The story is about a Saturday of Henry Perowne. He is a neurosurgeon with a lawyer wife, Rosalind, they are still deeply in love with each other. He has a daughter, Daisy, who is a poet, a son Theo, who is blues musician and a father in law is not a piece of cake. They are planning to have a nice dinner together, all of them. However, during that special Saturday there is a protest on the street. Because of that, Perowne will have a car accident which as a butterfly effect changes the course of the family night.

The book is a precisely and meticulously written in a description form. There is only a few conversation in it,  only if it’s really necessary, but the writer is able to explain most of the things by describing it. Some parts are beautiful and interesting, usually the flashbacks where we get to know Perowne’s life and family. Some of the parts are strongly irritating like the squash game, which is too long and boring. Personally my biggest problem is the breaking of the book. The chapters are long, which wouldn’t be a problem, if you can find stable points, where you stopped earlier. Unfortunately, sometimes all the describing so confluent that more than once I had to go back and   re-read parts which I ‘d already done. I was able to remember the main story, but it was hard to find where I stopped next all these unimportant describing. The story is about a mostly ordinary Saturday, so we have to wait a lot for the great plot. It comes and goes like a small little wave and won’t be as accentual as the writer meant it. Of course, we close everything with a , I think strongly predictable, description.

This is the kind of the book which I am not able to list as a good or a bad one. There were more nicely and well written parts, which made it readable. Although, it would have been better without boring bumps on the way, but still I can’t say it made the story bad. It was obvious from the beginning. I didn’t buy a surprise packet. It’s Henry Perowne’s own personal day. There are parts of a day when everything is boring and this is what we get. A real person’s ordinary Saturday with a little incident in it. It’s not disappointing it’s just less interesting sometimes, but not that boring to not finish the book.

I would say it was an interesting experience. No regrets, but I am sure I won’t read it again.

Meditation (Week 46) – do it alone or with a group?

In my own little environment, group meditation is not an option. Unfortunately, if I mention the word ‘meditation’ people laugh or ask really stupid questions, only a few of them are interested in it.

My question are: Should people meditate alone or in a group? Would it be easier with other people?

Continue reading Meditation (Week 46) – do it alone or with a group?

The ‘Curl-Up’ Syndrome

I want to say that depression is behind me. I want to burst out in a laugh when someone mention it. I want to be a person who never heard about it. However, it’s all just a wishes of a hopeful mind. Mostly I have good days, but still once in a while I have a bad one, a dark one, a hard one. Those days I suffer from a thing which I call the ‘Curl-Up’ Syndrome.

Continue reading The ‘Curl-Up’ Syndrome

Meditation (Week 45) – the dog is back

Earlier I mentioned how I suffered from our neighbor’s dog. It was during spring and I didn’t have my window open, but it’s summer now and the barking dog is back.

In June, he was hardly made any noise early in the morning. Perhaps he didn’t like the weather, but now he is back every damn day. It doesn’t matter, if it’s a weekday or a weekend, he starts to bark for no reason. Honestly, it is still really irritating, especially if I had a hard night and I couldn’t sleep. However, I don’t get angry anymore. First I try to go back to sleep sometimes I can, sometimes I just roll back and forth in the bed. If nothing works my only option is to wake up.

Fortunately, thanks to meditation I am not as angry or frustrated from the lack of sleep, as I was before. I am a little tense but I won’t start a fight with my family. I tell them that, it wasn’t an easy night and I would be happy, if they would respect that I am a little grumpy. They usually do. Meditation really changed my life, because I am able to keep myself calm next to this irritating dog. Thank you meditation, you helped me again and you won again.

Meditation 2 : Dog 0

Hot peppers

He was slicing the onion into the bowl. Ratatouille was planned for lunch. It was always his job to cut the ingredients. He finished the onions, tomatoes and reached after the hot pepper. This was the key element which made its taste perfect. He glanced to his right side. He saw his wife who was baking something in the kitchen. He shouted, “Mama come here?”. She wiped of her hands and walked to him. “What is it?”,she asked. “I am not sure about these hot peppers. Why don’t you lick it?”,he asked  with a playful smile. “Come on, you have a tongue, you can lick it.”,she answered sharply but with a kind voice. She was standing next to him her arms rested on her hips. She slowly leaned toward him and said “Show me that pepper ” ,and she took out of it his hand and licked it. “It’s hot really,hot.”,she said with a nodding voice. He took back the hot pepper from her and sliced it into the bowl. Both of them smiled, like two little mischief. They looked at each other one more time playfully liked they just shared a big secret with each other. She kissed him on his cheek and walked back to the kitchen. She was baking. He was cutting the ingredients for the ratatouille. It was their lunch. It was his job.


(Photo by paul morris on Unsplash)

Meditation (Week 44) – where is the magic?

The last few days it was hard to meditate. I’ve just wanted to get over it and go on with my day or night. It’s felt so forced.

Perhaps, it happens because we are in the middle of a warm and muggy summer. Or I don’t find it as magical as it was the first time. I guess it bound to happen sooner or later. When it really became a part of your everyday, life it’s not the same anymore. Meditation lost its magic. If you think it through it happens with everything. At one point my workout or my favorite TV shows get boring too. With a workout I usually choose a different one, with a TV show I wait a little bit between episodes.

What should I to with meditation? How could I shake up things a little bit? I am sure there are ways for it, for example I should do it in the morning, but it wouldn’t work with this environment. Should I choose a new meditational pose? I don’t know maybe I just need a friendlier less exhausting weather, but I know that the magic will come back as it does with usually with everything I love. I won’t stop to do it just for change, it would be a horrible idea.

What do you think Dear Reader? What do you use to shake up your meditational habits? Have you ever had the same feelings?