The call

Sunday 4:00 a.m.

She thought Gil was in the garden. She wanted to know what he was doing there.

Monday 5:00 a.m.

There was a huge crowd at the backyard, she just wanted to ask Gil when they would be gone.

Tuesday 5:16 a.m.

She was ready to go school. She put on her clothes and waited. Then she was in the doctor’s office and wanted to know, when she could leave, so she called Gil.

Three days in a row. Gil was tired from the late night calls. ‘At least I got the afternoon shift at work’, he thought and turned around in the bed. His wife was sleeping next to him. She was a deep sleeper, but every time Gil got the call, she woke up with him. She abhorred their situation . All the hate she got, while she just tried to help, and still she was always there for him. Gil was proud of her. Sometimes she was angry, but Gil knew she had every right to be. His mother was the one, who made the calls, woke up the whole family and harassed his beloved wife. “Is she going to call tonight?”, he thought and pulled himself closer to his wife. He went back to sleep, but his senses stayed alert to react to the call, if she would call.

Tuesday 10:25 p.m

She was hungry. Gil’s wife made sandwiches for her. She ate it. It looked like her mind was clear this time. She went to sleep soon after her late dinner.

Wednesday 6:05 a.m.

The night was quiet, but it was just the silence before the storm. She called to tell him, how disappointed she was in him. Gil left her. He threw her away. She wanted to move. She wanted to go back home. She didn’t understand. It was her home and nobody left her.

They talked about it, before they went to sleep. They were tired. The kids were tired. If the call didn’t wake them up, then their old dog Lou did. He hated the calls too. Even the dog had enough of this. They tried to figure out what to do. Send her into the hospital? She would die there soon. Send here into a special home? It would take months to get her into one, she won’t even lived that long. They went to sleep with the same frustrating feeling. “Perhaps, she won’t call, perhaps she will slowly fall asleep.”

The night was empty. There was no call. Thursday brought the Spring. The birds were chirping loudly. It was the first warm day after a long winter. It brought back the quite nights and undisturbed dreams. There were no more calls.

(Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash)


You get it all back?

My grandmother is 93 years old and she is slowly dying. She lives with us in her own little apartment, which is attached to the house. We have been taking care of her, since the day she’s moved in 7 years ago. She was able to take care of herself, unfortunately from that day she slowly started to refused to do it. She’s scared from retirement homes, because she believes that we would ditch her there and never look back. We wouldn’t do that even though, she has never been the kind grandmother from the movies. She is just angry and bitter all the time.

Anyway, after all, my parents decided to take care of her. It wasn’t easy, especially since the dementia, she is more bitter than ever. There are days when she gets lost in time and during one day she goes over three. These days she accuses my parents that they haven’t looked at her or fed her. We know it’s the dementia, but it still can be really hurtful. We talk a lot about it with my mother. After all, why she would she get this ugly way of dying? My mother answer was the next, ‘She must get back what she gave.’ I asked her what she meant.

Continue reading You get it all back?

My Art:Dot Hacker – Collection

Just a day after I finished my previous work I read about a competition. The Josh Klinghoffer fanpage came up with the idea that the fans should have sent their art pieces or covers from Dot Hacker or  Josh himself. They would have rewarded the winners with the newest Dot Hacker’s album dedicated by Josh. This was in last August and they gave one month to the fans to send in something.

At first I wasn’t sure about it. I needed a idea. I didn’t want to make something just for a competition, I wanted to make something which I would be happy to look at anyway. Fortunately, few nights later I woke up with the perfect idea. I will mix up the so far released album’s covers. Much better idea. I would try to use the exact same colors and I will draw it with words like Appolinaire’s fountain poem. The idea was great, but the preparation was impossible in one month. I didn’t have the right equipments, and after a few tries, I realized that I had to meet with my idea halfway. So I took the covers and I put them on a picture together.

Continue reading My Art:Dot Hacker – Collection

Interesting Personal Essays

I follow BuzzFeed on Twitter and Facebook. It’s usually up to date with all the happenings in the world, but still they have to fill out those empty hours of the layoff. So there are more than enough unnecessary and useless test about your celebrity crush, or dream job of yours, paired with incredible collections of funny animals and Twitter posts. All of them great, when you don’t want to do, what you really should do, like study or work.

However, next to these kind of amusing content, once in a while, if you look around well, you can find heart-warming stories, well written pragmatic articles and interesting personal essays. In this case, I would like to share with you a collection of the essays from last year. I know, it would have been more appropriate before New Year’s Eve, but I wanted to read the ones, which I was interested in, before I share them.

In this BuzzFeed post the site tried to collect the bests of 2017. There are writers who bring you back some great memories from the nineties. Others share their struggle with depression, anxiety or a disorder, which can make their life a nightmare. There are family stories. Or different kind of essays, which try to analyze this world scandals, or explain how an incidents in the world touched them. I think everyone can find one, which is enjoyable or interesting for them. I know, that I read the two-thirds of it and it was really worth it.

Personally, I loved the stories of the nineties, the safe-place called McDonalds, the influence of Princess Diana’s death’s on a family, and the harsh experiences of an awful skin condition. I hope, you will enjoy them as much as I did.

Here you can find the collection. 

PS – A little advice, read the comments too. It is really interesting to see, how people interpret these personal essays.


Would you help?

Most of the days, I still stop myself to write about topics, which can be attacked or questioned, because of some dissents. The whole point of this blog to teach myself to be more open to other people, so sometimes I have to write about stuff, which are not easy or can make people uncomfortable. So today I have a question sort of like that, but first let’s see where it came from.

The other day I saw a movie, The Zookeeper’s Wife, and it made me think. In a nutshell, the story is about the Jan and Antonina Zabinski, who were the owners of the Warsaw Zoo during the second world war. They rescued about 300 Jews from the ghetto of Warsaw, before it was burned down. They had their own kids and their own life to fear for, and still they risked it all for friends and even strangers.

Continue reading Would you help?

Meditation – Good Thoughts in Practice

Hi Everyone!

I know, I have been offline lately, but I have been sick for a whole month now. I am a little bit better now, but I only can read or write occasionally, because it’s too tiring for my eyes. However, I still have things I want to share with you, so not even an illness can stop me. In this post, I would like to talk about one of my earlier writings in practice.

In the mentioned post, I was talking about an article, which topic was the good thoughts during meditation , how it was able to influence you in a good way. I wrote it in November and, since then, I’ve tried to use it in practice.

Continue reading Meditation – Good Thoughts in Practice

Plastic Surgery

As a kid the idea of plastic surgery was really inexplicable for me. It meant rhinoplasty, bigger breasts, flat stomach and a whole new Michael Jackson, who was rumored to fall apart more than once. Later in my teenager years the notion of it hardly changed, by TV shows, which reshaped middle aged women, or by the MTV’s show about dull youngsters who wanted to have famous people’s face. Obviously, by these impressions I mostly had a negative opinion about plastic surgery. It hasn’t been easy to change this, because still by the media and TV, I usually only see models and TV personalities, whose body changes I am not fully understand. More than once I think it is unnecessary, because there is no problem with them, at least in my eyes.

However, by some small personal experiences finally I see the other side of it (sort of). I have this light porcelain skin color and I am full of birthmarks. I look like the sky on a clear night with full of stars. The other unfortunate thing is that I have warts around my eyes. Perhaps, nobody sees them, but it still annoys me. So last year I made a decision I visited my surgeon and eye specialist to get rid of some of these pesky little things.

Continue reading Plastic Surgery

Book:Into the Water by Paula Hawkins

This is 2018’s first book review, meanwhile this was the last book that I read in 2017. Yes, perhaps it sounds lame, but I spent the last day of the past year in my room with a book. After that, I watched a movie, listened some music, then joined my family in the living room to welcome the new year. It was one of my best new year’s eves.

Anyway once again the book was a Christmas/Birthday present and I couldn’t wait to read it. Paula Hawkins first big success was the well-known Girl on the Train. I only saw the movie. (It wasn’t bad, but personally I am not a big fan of Emily Blunt.) Still I had big hopes, because it was a long time ago, that I read an exciting thriller.

Continue reading Book:Into the Water by Paula Hawkins

New Year’s Resolution

Once again a new year with new plans and hopes. The first day these dreams and goals are so fresh. We still believe in them. We are willing to go with them to make those new year’s resolutions happen, before we reach that magical midnight again.

I am not big fan of the new year celebration, but I have to admit even I can feel that something mystical and unreal happens during that night every year. No party and booze for me, and no new year’s resolutions. No, these things are not for me. However, every year I look into myself a little bit to see the negativity in me and I choose one to learn how to handle it better.

I am the kind of person who is willing to torture herself with the smallest things. A harsher word or look and I immediately think it was for me, or because of me, while usually it has nothing to do with me. Perhaps, my friends advice is just an advice and not an attack against me. Perhaps, if I need help in something I should admit it. Perhaps, I shouldn’t worry about small things like I try to cook something new and it doesn’t work out well. Accident, mistakes happens. A louder or stronger answer may be help and not an attack. This is what I should think about. I shouldn’t discipline myself for things which are not there. Because of things which aren’t about me. I shouldn’t see something bad into everything.

Last year I learn how to stand for myself, this year no punishment because of nothing. This is my promise myself. What is yours?


(Photo by Jerry Kiesewetter on Unsplash)