To:Dear Douchebag Ex-boyfriend,


Dear Douchebag Ex-boyfriend,

I wanted to write this letters years ago but I was afraid that you would read it and it would hurt your feelings, but today I realized I don’t have to care about your feelings anymore. So I got rid of every little things which reminded you and I’ve got rid of those negative feelings which I have been had for years now because of you.

We met and I fell in a love with a nice and kind boy who acted like a person who I needed. Yes, you just acted like one and you played me. I was young and naive. You were young and naive too, maybe this was why you did it. Of course, years later, you admitted that you did everything to make me like you.Y ou did it well I fell in love and I wanted you and I did everything to get you.

I still remember the feeling when we got together something wasn’t alright but I wasn’t able to recognize what was the problem. You told me you love me, and then in every possible way you shattered me pieces. You were abusive physically once in a while but you were careful and it hardly left a trace. It was the easier part because you abused me emotionally all the time. I was never good enough. I was never smart enough. I was never ever pretty in  your eyes and you always reminded me that I am not the type person who you could love. If you didn’t find something to make me feel bad about myself you told me that even your family hated me and thought that I wasn’t pretty and smart enough for you.

When I got a gift from you , you always told me the price of it and how poor you are, but I should have feel good that I got something expensive. I told you I love Dickens more than once you bought me the books that you wanted and yes at the end I gave it back to you.

You told me you needed to be feel free when you were in a relationship I told you it wasn’t a problem for me. If you wanted to go out with your friends I never said no. If you came back really drunk, next morning I mentioned it but after all I never stopped you to drink because I knew this was the only thing which you were able to do, and nothing else just to drink with your friends. I was never jealous I trusted you because we were friends too and I trust my friends. Of course, when I wanted to see my family or friends it was a different business. When I was with somebody else sooner or later my mobile ranged and you asked where the hell I was because I should have been at home all the time. You wanted to go with me everywhere, you wanted me to go with you everywhere like a child who needs his mother hands.

I cleaned up after you and I ate all the disgusting food that you made without a word because I didn’t want to hurt you. I lied for you and let other people hurt and blame me while you were the one who made mistakes and scammed people. I helped you to finish school even though because of it sometimes I had to skip my studies, but you cried all the time how bad was your whole life and how bad was your family. If your family would know what you told about them, to be honest, I am not sure they still would be your family. Yes sometimes I had problems with my family too but at the end we always sat down and talked about it.We didn’t lie into each other face.

When I wanted to end our relationship you always cried and begged for me and sooner or later we were together again. Luckily you got a job far from me and I started to feel alright again, but you were jealous incredibly and not because of a guy who flirted with me. You were jealous to my brother. That was where I knew it was enough because it was ridiculous so I did something what nobody would have done. I got on the first train and visited you to have a break up face to face and not on the phone. I even took all your sh*t that you left behind. Next day I left and I sent you all the other sh*t you had and I paid all the postal fees. The things that I couldn’t send I kept it for you safe and I met you and your family again and I gave it back to you without a scratch. I had some good memories with you but after our breakup, you took all of it and you broke it to small pieces one by one. In addition. you admitted later that more than once you lied to me so I would have stayed with you.

I told you to give me time and we can talk again because we had been together for 4 years and I really believed that we were friends too. No we weren’t. I was you spiritual dustbin. I gave you my precious time again and again.I  visited you and talked with you on the phone. Of course, it was always about you, and you, and you not even a minute about me. To be honest I felt sorry for you because you were alone and you were still capable only one thing to get drunk again and again. I tried to avoid you but sooner or later you wrote or I felt guilty that I didn’t ask about you.

This year I didn’t let you call me on my phone. I lied, I told you my phone was broken but I just didn’t want to hurt your feeling because you were exhausting. You were full of negative energy and still you wanted to remind me that I was nobody. This summer you had a new girlfriend. You told me how beautiful she was and smart. We met once more because you invited me and just later you realized your new girlfriend just as jealous as you. When we met for a few hours you told me how you met the girl, how perfect she was, and my favorite part when you told me how bad was your previous relationship which was with me. I smiled and laughed inside when you told me your new girlfriend was a nod dog and she liked everything you did, because of it you weren’t sure she really loves you, but who cares, you immediately wanted to marry her.

That day you told me that because of your new girlfriend we shouldn’t talk and I took a deep breath and left behind a huge burden. I was happy and I hoped you won’t write me because still you don’t have a real and close friend who you could trust. You only had me but not anymore.

You know what, we were young and naive. I am sure that you see our time together differently but I know all the ugly and bad words you would say to describe me because I heard it all during our relationship, which was a huge mistake, but without it I wouldn’t be me. I learned something really important thanks to you. Now I know what I don’t need. Now I recognize a liar, a cheater, a fake show. I don’t say I didn’t hurt you because I am sure I made mistakes too in our relationship and I am sure I said bad things which hurt you. However, I am happy to say I changed and I realized that the whole time I have been a strong, smart and beautiful woman. I challenge myself everyday and I work really hard to reach all my goals and dreams. Meanwhile you are still the same guy who refuses to change anything except his clothes sizes which becomes bigger every year. You still don’t have a real friend you only have a girlfriend who (funny) looks like the old me. Today I wanted to be nice and because you wished me happy birthday and I felt guilty again that I haven’t written you. I thought I ask you about your new year’s eve plan. As always, you were a real douchebag and told me that I shouldn’t write you randomly. First I was angry because I asked nicely and your answer was incredibly rude but later I was happy.

Now I know It’s time to say goodbye I won’t be your spiritual dustbin anymore. I don’t have to feel guilty, if I don’t care about you. Today as a nice end for 2016 I finally said out loud that you incredibly hurt me. Today I am happy to say that, you know what, I am so much better than you and I never should have been felt that I am less than you or not good enough for you. Be happy with your new girlfriend and please leave me alone.


Winry J.R.

One thought on “To:Dear Douchebag Ex-boyfriend,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s