Recurring nightmares

My sleeping paralysis is on a vacation which means I have nightmares again. I have no idea why. I feel good, I think I can say that I am happy. I know that not everything is perfect but it doesn’t bother me. I am not nervous, angry or sad. When I have to face with these feelings I try to meditate or do something good or take a deep breath and find something positive to change the feeling.

However, I still have these nightmares. It’s not like I wake up and I know it was bad. I scream and shout. I toss myself around in the bed. You know when in the movie the main character has a bad dream and he sits up. This is me. I sit up while I have this choking sensation. It’s horrible. I usually  turn on the TV and try to remember the songs that I listened before I went to sleep. I immediately aware of everything and remember the bad dream and I know it was just a nightmare but those frightening feelings stays with me.

Nowadays, I have one recurring nightmare with our neighbor. He wants to steal me, hit me and rape me and nobody is there to help me and I am not strong enough to fight him. Let me explain it a little bit. This guy’s mother lives next to us and the guy lives of the opposite site of the street against his mother. It’s like Everybody loves Raymond but the thriller version. His mother sued us more than once for reasons like the music is too loud (no it wasn’t we won) or we violated her environment (no we didn’t we won, in fact we didn’t even had a lawyer my father won against her lawyer). You know, she is the kind of old lady who is looking for the reasons to fight. It’s enough about the mother let’s talk about the son.That man had a wife and 3 children, but the wife divorced him and kids left him behind because of domestic violence for example he was hitting his wife with an inner tube and stuff like that.

He was violent with other people too. My room’s window looks to the street and when I was about 6 or 7 years old I was woken up by a woman who pounded on my window and shouted my parent’s names. As I found out ,years later, thus woman was working at the same place as the guy’s wife. He thought that this innocent woman was gossiping about his family. So when the woman went to work on our street in the early hours he was waiting for him. He grabbed her and he started to hit her. When she was able to escape she ran to the nearest house, which was ours.

So this man is really violent and I know he hates us just like her mother (by the way I swear we didn’t give them a reason to hate us). Of course, I see this guy more than once a week and how he looks at me or my family is f*cking frightening. Every time I get goosebumps and sometimes he tells me things, but I know and my parents told me too, that I never answer anything because we are all afraid that he may attack us.

After all I think it’s understandable why I am afraid from this guy and why he is the bad guy in my nightmares. I just don’t understand why I have these dreams again and again just now because nothing happened.

That was my story about my recurring nightmares and I hope it will go away because I wrote it down here and I can get rid of it by this way. Dear reader have a nice night and I hope you don’t have any nightmares.


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