My own worst enemy the night. As you can read here ,in an earlier blog,from the beginning of my life I have problems with that easy task what is called sleep.
If I don’t suffer from insomnia I usually have nightmares or I am not able to have a deep sleep. You know you dream about 9 times in one night. You are able to remember your first and your last dream. On a really active night I can remember 6 of them. Of course sometimes I suffer from sleep paralysis.
Let me quote from the Wikipedia what this phenomenon means (in case you know sleep paralysis you can jump to next paragraph):
It is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep, characterized by an inability to move muscles. It is often accompanied by terrifying hallucinations to which one is unable to react due to paralysis, and physical experiences (such as strong current running through the upper body). These hallucinations often involve a person or supernatural creature suffocating or terrifying the individual, accompanied by a feeling of pressure on one’s chest and difficulty breathing. Another common hallucination type involves intruders (human or supernatural) entering one’s room or lurking outside one’s window, accompanied by a feeling of dread.
One hypothesis is that it results from disrupted REM sleep, which normally induces complete muscle atonia to prevent sleepers from acting out their dreams. Genetics and sleep deprivation are a major cause of sleep paralysis, and it has also been linked to disorders such as narcolepsy, migraines, anxiety disorders, and obstructive sleep apnea. Sleeping in a fixed supine position increases the chance of sleep paralysis.
If you think that’s all let me tell you some other stuff too. Even if I don’t have some horrible hallucinations I still can’t feel safe when I sleep. I never sleep in full dark (my parents got me a lava lamp) and sometimes I have a nightmare so bad that I turn on the TV but of course sometimes I don’t remember it. So I just wake up and the TV is on and I have no idea what happened. (Maybe this is better who knows how bad is that dream which make me do it.) In addition I really don’t need too much sleep. If I get to sleep at 11 p.m. ,and I am able to sleep,most of the time I will wake up between 2-3 a.m. that I’m ready let’s start the day(usually I realise that I’m the only person who is ready for it so I try to go back to sleep but I only got these vivid and crazy dreams).
You think hey girl take some pill it helps everybody. First of all I am 27 years old and I don’t want to use pills in this age to get some sleep.In my 50 or 60 ‘s maybe but not now. Secondly it doesn’t really work for me. I had to undergo surgery few years ago. I got sedatives and sleeping pills the night before it and morning of it. They didn’t really work. I felt slow and dizzy but nothing more. I was terrified that I woke up during the operation ,fortunately I did not. After everything I should have spent most of the day sleeping. When my doctor came to see me he even made a joke that I was really a patient or just a guest.
So today’s questions: Why can’t I sleep? Why am I afraid? From what? Have I ever got some sleep? The night always be my own worst enemy?