I was lucky two days ago, because I won tickets to a concert that I really wanted to go. I was so happy and emotional that I started to cry in the radio.I couldn’t believe it. It’s still hard to believe. I recorded the broadcast and showed it to my family and close friends. All of them were incredibly happy for me.They wrote me how they had cried while they had been listening to me on the radio.They called me and screamed in the phone that they were happier than ever because they felt my happiness and it was beautiful and incredible.(Yeah most of the winners scream because they were asked to do it,but I just slowly cried and VJ kindly tried to comfort me and get my information while I was sobbing on the other side of the phone.)
It was beautiful and mesmerizing.I’ve always known about this unconditional love that my friends and a family feel for me,but it is a really different experience when they really strongly show it to you.
After all the cry and laugh the question popped into my head. If they love me so much and support me, then why I feel always this loneliness. I know what I miss.I know the cause of this dark feeling.However I have to question myself. Am I a selfish person? Do I want too much? What I look for is unnecessary because I should be happy without it?
I don’t question what I miss and why I am here. I only question the need of it.I should find happiness without the impulses and responses from someone else or I should find peace with my soul and accept the kind of life I have.
Dear Reader my question is why I need those things?Why cant’t I be happy with the acceptance and unconditional love that my friends and family give me?Why?